There are many ways that Cooper has been a blessing from God to family, friends, and strangers. His smile can melt your heart, his eyes are big and curious - wanting to learn more, and his gentle voice can calm any storm. Yes, I'd say Cooper has a special gift of showing compassion, love, encouragement and strength.
Yes, strength! As a quick recap, Cooper has Congenital Neutropenia which means that his bone marrow does not produce one specific set of white blood cells as it should. This specific group are the ones that help to fight off illness and infections. Within the last 2 years, we have been cleared from having to visit the hematologist/oncologist because it seemed as though his bone marrow had begun to work as it should. During all of the tests and labs, Cooper showed strength, trust, and a calm spirit, which was a great reminder to me every time I saw him showing these traits.
Mother's Intuition....are you familiar with is? It is such a powerful tool that I thank God for everyday! Cooper got strep throat around Christmas time this year. For most, this would mean a round of antibiotics and some rest and liquids and 10 days later, you're back to normal. The same rang true a bit for Cooper. He started antibiotics, which 5 days later woke up with an intense reaction from. Antibiotics were stopped, and we continued with the rest and liquids. He got over strep routinely which is a blessing. Although, he began to complain about his ears, eyes, throat, stomach, and nose on a weekly basis. Some weeks it was only one of those, some weeks it was multiple ones. About a month later he had another high fever but for some reason, there were no answers. Strep and flu test came back negative. Must be a virus right? It could have been....but my mother's intuition began to kick in. Something didn't feel right.
But, the fever went away and his energy came back, so we went back to life as usual. Soon though, low grade fevers began to present themselves, body aches, and sinus/allergy issues. I decided that tests needed to be run, even if they all came back showing nothing was wrong, at least I could know that everything was okay.
So, here's what we know.....from his sinus xray, pretty much, he has an intense sinus infections. Because he's allergic to 3 types of antibiotics, he is on a very high dose of a strong antibiotic.
We are waiting for results from his CBC and Immune Panel. Those results should be in on Monday and will help to tell us what his bone marrow and white blood cells are doing.
His Pedi did find one other concern while we were there. I don't know much into this area of what she's talking about, so I seem to have more questions than answers. The Pedi found that he has somewhat of a Bifid Uvula which isn't awful, although it could mean that he has a Submucous Cleft Palate. These can be overlooked since the palate looks to be intact upon a quick examination. If he does in fact have a Submucous Cleft Palate, this could mean more frequent sinus infections, ear infections, etc.
I will learn more next week upon talking in more detail with the Pedi.
So for now, I sit and relive the emotions and fears of the unknown, the promise and strength from God to watch over my children, and the reminder to not take any moment of my time with my children for granted. I thank God that my son can play baseball, can run and ride his bike, can learn and obtain information, can love and show compassion. I thank God that he can laugh and play and enjoy the little things in life. I thank God that my son can ask questions about Jesus living in his heart and wanting to share his joy for Jesus and love with those that he meets.
Please pray that:
*His antibiotic does not make him sick to his stomach or that he becomes allergic to it as well.
*That he is able to hear again, speak clearly, and breath better as the infection leaves
*That the results from his CBC and Immune Panel are clear and that the Dr's will know what the next course of action is, if any is needed at all.
*That answers are given for the palate issue. That all possibilities are looked at and that a decision can be made together by all parties involved (that would mean, that the Dr's would understand that I don't sit back quietly...I want to be involved in the course of action that is decided on)
Friday, April 5, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Memories and Love
Tomorrow marks the day that my best friend passed away two years ago. Two years later and I can still feel the shock, the loss of words, and the denial that took over every ounce of my body when I heard the news.
Yes, it has become easier to live each day, the tears stopped falling every day except for when certain songs, like Kenny Chesney's "You Had Me From Hello" that we sang karaoke to, or Lee Brice's "I Drive Your Truck" comes on the radio. Your memories bring more smiles than tears to my days. Your name still comes up in daily talk with the kids, I am determined to have Cooper know how great of a man you were, how much you cared about those around you, and how much you loved every part of life.
I've found myself wanting to call you more and more lately for advice, laughs, or to gripe about relationships. You were the only one I could be completely open with and know that you would still love me despite whatever I said. We never had to worry about if our advice would hurt each others feelings because honestly, even in our fights, our love and friendship were still strong.
I'm sure you would be proud of the strength I have regained throughout the past 2 years. Your words of encouragement and strength are still in my memory. I remember your hugs, the safety and comfort that flowed through your arms. I miss your hugs. There is no one else that will probably ever be able to call me "sweetheart" again. "Nickle" or "Nick" are completely off limits as you are the only person that I've every allowed to call me those nicknames, or nicknames in general.
Even though it has become easier to live each day again, I know that I will never forget you. You are mentioned to anyone that becomes an important part of my life. Your memory and legacy will live on.
As Cooper was asking questions the other day about Heaven and who we will see, he asked about you. It brought comfort back in a moment of sadness, knowing that one day I will see you again. One day I will be able to hug you again and hear those special words "Hello Sweetheart"
I Love You dearly Cody Burns!
Yes, it has become easier to live each day, the tears stopped falling every day except for when certain songs, like Kenny Chesney's "You Had Me From Hello" that we sang karaoke to, or Lee Brice's "I Drive Your Truck" comes on the radio. Your memories bring more smiles than tears to my days. Your name still comes up in daily talk with the kids, I am determined to have Cooper know how great of a man you were, how much you cared about those around you, and how much you loved every part of life.
I've found myself wanting to call you more and more lately for advice, laughs, or to gripe about relationships. You were the only one I could be completely open with and know that you would still love me despite whatever I said. We never had to worry about if our advice would hurt each others feelings because honestly, even in our fights, our love and friendship were still strong.
I'm sure you would be proud of the strength I have regained throughout the past 2 years. Your words of encouragement and strength are still in my memory. I remember your hugs, the safety and comfort that flowed through your arms. I miss your hugs. There is no one else that will probably ever be able to call me "sweetheart" again. "Nickle" or "Nick" are completely off limits as you are the only person that I've every allowed to call me those nicknames, or nicknames in general.
Even though it has become easier to live each day again, I know that I will never forget you. You are mentioned to anyone that becomes an important part of my life. Your memory and legacy will live on.
As Cooper was asking questions the other day about Heaven and who we will see, he asked about you. It brought comfort back in a moment of sadness, knowing that one day I will see you again. One day I will be able to hug you again and hear those special words "Hello Sweetheart"
I Love You dearly Cody Burns!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
I'm scared....
It's been a long time coming (as far as being said...so here it goes)
I'm scared about being a single mom.....there I said it!
My emotions have been getting the best of me, I feel sad, disappointed, lonely, excited about my future, scared about my future, intimidated, nervous, mad, glad, forgotten. There are so many wonderful things going on in my life that I feel as if I am cheating myself for feeling these feelings, for focusing on the crummy parts of life sometimes and not the blessing and happy times.
While my fears take me to the thought of having a hardened heart, a closed mind, and a lack of trust when it comes to relationships, I step back to realize that my bigger fear is not being able to give my children everything that I wanted to give them in a family environment. I find it easy to put the emotions on other things, because as a mom, I never want to admit that I sometimes don't think I can hack it. To show that sign of weakness would prove that I'm in over my head. But am I? I am a strong believer that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. So while I question how much He has given me, I have to believe that He knows my fears, my struggles, and my worries. He knows where I crumble, where I "lose it", and where I feel I can't handle anymore. He knows my wants, desires, and needs. He knows me inside and out, so why is it so hard to release my grip of control and instead trust Him?
I never really thought I would be at this place where the past would stay in the past, and a new chapter, new adventure would be waiting for me. My prayer, my hope, and my desire is for me to embrace the new chapter. To not fear what is ahead, but instead to look forward to the new adventures that will come. It's a sad day when a door closes, it's a chapter of life that will never be had again. It's one that I have been avoiding making public for a while, keeping myself busy as to not focus on the fact that that chapter is over, the door is closed.
Pray with me for peace, happiness, and comfort, as I feel those are the biggest areas of my daily life that seem to get rocked with the slightest change. Pray that my children will always feel loved, supported, and cared for. And pray that I not rush into anything just because I may be alone, scared, or sad.
God's plans will ALWAYS be bigger than mine!
I'm scared about being a single mom.....there I said it!
My emotions have been getting the best of me, I feel sad, disappointed, lonely, excited about my future, scared about my future, intimidated, nervous, mad, glad, forgotten. There are so many wonderful things going on in my life that I feel as if I am cheating myself for feeling these feelings, for focusing on the crummy parts of life sometimes and not the blessing and happy times.
While my fears take me to the thought of having a hardened heart, a closed mind, and a lack of trust when it comes to relationships, I step back to realize that my bigger fear is not being able to give my children everything that I wanted to give them in a family environment. I find it easy to put the emotions on other things, because as a mom, I never want to admit that I sometimes don't think I can hack it. To show that sign of weakness would prove that I'm in over my head. But am I? I am a strong believer that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. So while I question how much He has given me, I have to believe that He knows my fears, my struggles, and my worries. He knows where I crumble, where I "lose it", and where I feel I can't handle anymore. He knows my wants, desires, and needs. He knows me inside and out, so why is it so hard to release my grip of control and instead trust Him?
I never really thought I would be at this place where the past would stay in the past, and a new chapter, new adventure would be waiting for me. My prayer, my hope, and my desire is for me to embrace the new chapter. To not fear what is ahead, but instead to look forward to the new adventures that will come. It's a sad day when a door closes, it's a chapter of life that will never be had again. It's one that I have been avoiding making public for a while, keeping myself busy as to not focus on the fact that that chapter is over, the door is closed.
Pray with me for peace, happiness, and comfort, as I feel those are the biggest areas of my daily life that seem to get rocked with the slightest change. Pray that my children will always feel loved, supported, and cared for. And pray that I not rush into anything just because I may be alone, scared, or sad.
God's plans will ALWAYS be bigger than mine!
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