Off The Wall Nerves

My first Les Mills training I went into blind. I knew nothing of what I was embarking on or if I would even enjoy this new adventure. I left a new person, ready to teach, inspire, and encourage. I felt prepared, at least as far as knowing what I was working towards.

This weekend, I enter a new area of Les Mills, CXWorx. For 36 hours I will do nothing but think, learn, and do this class! This group fitness class is PURE core, abs, and back. It's intense to say the least. I heard one person say one time when doing the class, "Don't think about the pain, just do the class." It's so true!

So, I have learned the track, I know the moves, I sing the words to the songs (from listening to it so much), and my abs are already stronger. I can't help to ask then....WHY AM I DOUBTING MYSELF? I am beyond nervous to walk into that room and look weak. To fail at giving the correct instruction, to not "fit in". What, really? WHY do I care if I fit in....ugh I feel like a high school kid again.

I hate that I doubt myself. I bust my rear, work hard, and try hard to live each moment to the fullest. I am in shape, I run, I teach at least 2 classes a week that include yoga, pilates, and tai chi. I stand up in front of gym members and lead them to hopefully a new, stronger future. I have passion in what I do and I want others to see my passion.

So, maybe I doubt myself because I'm worried that others won't see my passion for building a stronger, healthier body. It's odd to think that for some reason I worry how strangers will view me, even from first impressions (when I am quiet, reserved, and working up the confidence to be outgoing....odd right, for all of you that know me would NEVER imagine me as quiet, but that's just because I'm so comfortable around you that I am ME!).

Over the next 36 hours I plan to tell myself and convince myself that I can do it, I am strong enough, it will hurt but will be worth it, and at the end of the day I will know I did my best.

Oh, and this too....

Laugh A Little

Yes, I am addicted to Pinterest, oh well! BUT, the fun thing with that is that I find some hilarious photos. So, I will share them with all of you that are non-Pinterest followers!

My Daughter

That moment when you're standing in line at a crowded store and you smell something, but since you are with your kids (and you're an adult), you choose to not make a big deal about it. Then, your 2 year old daughter puts her hand to her nose and says, VERY LOUDLY.....

"EWWWW STINKY!"

Then she looks at each of us (Cooper and myself) and asks (again loudly)

"You toot?"

Cooper replies "It wasn't me!" As he waves his nose with his hand.

I am over there trying really hard to say quietly, it wasn't us, let's just start putting this stuff on the check out belt to attempt to distract her from the smell. She continues on a minute or two more while people begin looking around....I feel sorry for the person who was the guilty party. Apparently my daughter has a keen sense of smell!

Regrets

When you stop at a red light and look at the car next to you to see the driver singing, dancing, and jamming out to a song....and honestly they just look weird. Yep, that's me! I am that driver that is dancing, singing, and jamming out. I have even broadened my "group" to my kiddos...they love it. To top this, I am notorious for making up my own words to songs if I don't know what the lyrics are supposed to be. It is a bit embarrassing, though, when I sing the song around other people, wrong words and all, and they look at me like I'm crazy.

*Side note, I will never admit that I am crazy, but I am me....one who tries to live without regrets, live each day (even moment) to the fullest. Why not? Life is great and should be enjoyed and that joy should be shared! Now resuming previous thought process.....

So, this morning at church as the song "How He Loves Us" by David Crowder Band was being sung, I followed the words on the screen. Here they are....

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me
And O how He loves us Oh,
O how He loves us
How He loves us all
Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves
We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking

So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

It's an amazing song, one that I regularly belt out at the top of my lungs when I am driving by myself. Every time I heard this song, I am reminded how much God loves me....so cool.

This morning though, I realized that I have been singing the song wrong (that's not a new surprise to me). The green verse above hit me hard. Particularly the line "I don't have time to maintain these regrets" It seems so easy for us (okay, I'll speak for me at least) to hold onto events in our life when we mess up. We dwell in the guilt, the shame, and the feelings, thus giving the devil the ability to steal our joy.

So, I look at this line in two ways. One is that we should not beat ourselves up for our mistakes. With that thought though, we should not stay at a place where we relive the same mistakes over and over again. By doing this, we no longer "regret" our decisions, but instead have begun living a lifestyle that was once considered a "regret" in our everyday life. That doesn't sound fun to me.

Rather, we should accept that mistakes (sin) happens....everyday for every one, there's no escaping it. Instead, we recognize the mistake, we ask for forgiveness, and we move on and continue to enjoy the life around us. To hold onto the regret will only make us bitter, worrisome, and distracted. I can't help but think of the process when it comes to a young child. They hit their sibling, they get disciplined for the action, they apologize and ask for forgiveness, and are then ready to play again. For my children I work at quick forgiveness, in an attempt to not rob my child of their joy and vigor for life. Just the same, I believe that God wants us to bounce back up and live life after we stumble, apologize, and ask for forgiveness.

Let go of Regret, and instead grab hold of the joys all around you!

Inspiration

***Disclaimer***
This blog is intended for me to have a place to put my thoughts, feelings, jokes, etc. It's as if this is my diary that I hide under my mattress at night....BUT, I allow it to be public for everyone to read. So, you don't have to agree or like what I say, but if you choose to read my blog, just know that it is what I WANT to say, and not what I should say to "play it safe."


Okay, that's over....so here it goes.

I have always wanted to "stay in shape." I never really played any sports growing up, I ran cross country for a short while, but just never really stuck with anything. Honestly, I was just thin/skinny because that's how God had made me. Once at Texas A&M, I had the ability to exercise at an amazing Rec Center on campus. I went from time to time, ran a bit here and there, but again was never really stuck in a good routine.

After graduating from college and becoming pregnant with Cooper, I decided to get into a consistent work out routine. So, 4 days a week after work I would head to gym, do some cardio, lift some weights, and do some core training. After both of my pregnancies, I was the heaviest that I had ever been. I look back now at pictures taken right after having Aubrey, and I am amazed at how much my hard work and dedication has paid off.

Deciding to run a half marathon was one of the craziest decisions I had ever made, but in the end, one of the best decisions as well. At the time I could not even finish a mile run without having to stop a few times. I began to question if I could really run 13.1 miles without stopping (which was my goal). But through many early, cold, and LONG morning runs and the dedication of a running partner, along with a drive that I could do it, I met my goal.

Through that journey, my weight from both pregnancies began to fall off of me. It was not easy though. I went through a period where my calves would cramp up immediately after I stopped running, to the point where I would fall to the ground and someone would have to carry me inside. Many mornings all I wanted to do was turn my alarm off after only getting a few hours of sleep that night due to still having a nursing baby waking up at night. There were bitter cold morning runs that made my chest hurt from the cold air...and made me want my bed and warm covers even more. It was not easy, it was tough, it was hard, many times I wanted to stop and give up on my goal.

Looking back now, I am SO GLAD that I never gave up (completely). I worked hard and smart to get myself - body, mind, and endurance - to a level higher than I had imagined.

I want to be someone's inspiration. I want to be encouragement to a mom (new or years down the road into "mommy-hood") who wonders if her body will ever return to it's previous state (fyi - mine has not returned all the way to my pre-preggo body, but that's okay. I'm healthy, fit, and strong....so I'm happy!). I want other's to believe that they can do it, even through the tough, rough, and crappy parts. With dedication, hard work, and determination, they can reach a healthy, fit, and strong body.

Because......

This is Your Life

Thought I would share with you my latest question that I keep having to go back and answer. Whatever size the issue, big or small, how one reacts and handles it depends a lot on who we want to be.

So, I keep asking myself, "This is your life, are you who you want to be?"

(That answer is still pending!)

Enjoy the music.

Being Proud

This is my goal....emotionally and physically. To be proud of who I am, who I can be, who I will be, and what I do.

But, above all else, I want My GOD to be proud of who HE made me to be!